Relationship Advice

[Rock_Steady]

I am in a bit of pickle at the moment and need some help/advice!

Long story short...

I ended a long relationship because we weren't working and a guy came into my life and highlighted that I wasn't in love.

That guy was in a relationship with someone and we met often and kissed and touched. It felt so wrong but couldn't help seeing this guy.

This guy has become single, not for me, but their relationship wasn't good. I have told this guy that I am not wanting anything serious etc. He is fine with it, but he does want me. So currently were mates, but have the odd kiss now and again.

While all this is going off, I have been a mate with his now ex. So I feel really bad and disgusted. I am not a person who does this. It's a violation to my nature! I don't cheat, but being the other person is just as bad.

Me and his now ex have been to a few places lately and grown a bit close. We went to Leeds Pride yesterday and we wanted to kiss but got shy. But it may happen soon. He doesn't want anything serious as he has just become single. Same as me.

It's the thought of having being with them both behind their backs.

This is all new to me. I used to live a quiet life and now it's got crazy.

Am I really a terrible person etc? Shall I be brave and end it all, or should I just sit back and have fun. I am really confused.

[irishguy28]

It does sound a little strange.

You wrote: " we wanted to kiss but got shy." But did you really want to kiss? Or was it just him?

Not wanting to sound facetious, but it's not necessary to kiss all your friends

However, the real problem here is that you're not being honest with either of these two guys (and possibly not with yourself, either). You shouldn't be embarrassed or secretive about who you're kissing - though I guess at this stage it's difficult to go and reveal what has been covered up.

I'd considering cooling it with both guys - again, most friends stay friends without any kissing involved. Take some distance, and if you really like one or the other in that way, then perhaps after the dust has settled and you've made up your mind, you can pursue something more than mere friendship, but do so without keeping it a secret.

[Rock_Steady]

You wrote: " we wanted to kiss but got shy." But did you really want to kiss? Or was it just him?

Yes I did, but I felt shy/nervous too.

Not wanting to sound facetious, but it's not necessary to kiss all your friends

I am not aiming to, but it's hard when your attracted and you know their single. Not being big headed, but I have had alot of interest since I was single. But they're not for me etc and I told them up front.

I'd considering cooling it with both guys - again, most friends stay friends without any kissing involved. Take some distance, and if you really like one or the other in that way, then perhaps after the dust has settled and you've made up your mind, you can pursue something more than mere friendship, but do so without keeping it a secret.

None of us are wanting anything serious as we are all recently single. I just want to have fun, hug and kiss. But didn't want to hurt anyone.

Thank you for putting into perspective for me though.

[king_oxymoron]

I think the bottom line is, if they found out, they are both fairly likely to not want to be friends with you anymore. You say you have grown close to at least one of them - I doubt you want to lose your friendship over a couple of kisses. Neil is right, give it time and in that time it should become clearer if you actually have feelings for one or the other.

I am changing the title of the topic to 'Relationship Advice' and am going to say while that anyone who has a question of a similar nature should use this topic

[Rock_Steady]

Thanks alot, just needed someone to tell me this.

I am not sure what I want really. Time and distance is the cure as you say.

I will try and sort this!

[DaBoi]

I think it's funny that you say you're "not the kind of person who'd do something like that" though you're doing it as we speak

My advice is to come clean , otherwise you risk losing them both.
And remember sooner or later the truth will come out.
And last but not least I think just because someone wants to occasionally kiss you - doesn't mean they're crazy about you.
Learn from the best!
LOL

Cheers Cidermaster ( i find this so funny)

[Rock_Steady]

I think it's funny that you say you're "not the kind of person who'd do something like that" though you're doing it as we speak

I have never cheated when I have been with someone. I never thought I'd be the 'other person', but it happened and I need some help before I lost more self respect.

[DaBoi]

Well don't worry too much , it can happen to anyone! It's how you fix it that matters

[Rock_Steady]

Well don't worry too much , it can happen to anyone! It's how you fix it that matters

Worry! I've done nothing but worry and think about this for months. I've not spoke of it to anyone until now.

You know, I've always had a 'head on my shoulders' and been level with everyone and everything, giving advice etc, then I go and destroy it.

I'll do my best to sort this.

[DaBoi]

It's been going on for months?
*sings* To the left To the left.........

Honestly , you just got to figure out who you want and how you want it, and take it from there

Dr. Phil

[Rock_Steady]

It's been going on for months?
*sings* To the left To the left.........

Honestly , you just got to figure out who you want and how you want it, and take it from there

Dr. Phil

Yeh it's not just happened over a week or so, it's been an ongoing thing.

I've figured out what I am going to do, so just gotta be tough now and accept responsibility.

[Tom92]

I've been accused of being a ''relationship wrecker'' in the past, and tbh, just brush it off, dont care. Try to make peace with the friend.

If they were meant to be together in the first place they wouldnt have split up. Dont deny yourself happiness over another relationship thats already over.

[IAmWill]

Id just have a threesome...

I dont really have much useful advice as ive never been in this situation but I must say id just move on and find someone else so that at least they can still be in your life as friends!

[Hype]

You have to end it with the one you're not so close with right away. Or this will end in tears.

[NoAngels]

What you do is inappropriate for both yourself and these two guys you're talking about.

I'm sure you don't want this to happen to you, I know you feel misplaced, but make up your mind and be fair.


Good luck!

[Rock_Steady]

What you do is inappropriate for both yourself and these two guys you're talking about.

I'm sure you don't want this to happen to you, I know you feel misplaced, but make up your mind and be fair.

Good luck!

Me and the guy I was seeing first, we made it clear a couple of weeks ago that it's not going any further.

But his now ex, we have been going out alot lately. We have talked (he doesn't know about me seeing his now ex) and were not going any further. We like each other, but were not going serious or anything.

I never wanted this to happen, so please don't think I am a nasty person. It's heartbreaking for me.

I want to come clean, but the guy won't let me, he said it would make it worse etc. Which is true, but I just want to be open.

Right so basically, I have made it clear on both parties that nothing is going to happen. But I do speak to them both.

Me and his ex however, do have an attraction, but I'm pulling away from that. I just want to be friends. I know that sounds rich, but I need to gain my self respect back by doing the right thing.

[Dru4life]

I feel like im moving up the relationship ladder! After 3 years I'm finally in one But no my friends have to outdo me and both of them get engaged this weekend. They be the HBIC's of the relationships.

[Rock_Steady]

Anyone care to talk to me online about this mess? Could do with a chat about it.

[IAmWill]

I need relationship advice!... Id explain but I cant be arsed writing it all out!

[IAmWill]

I need relationship advice!... Id explain but I cant be arsed writing it all out!

OK, I need help! I dont like talking bout stuff like this but anyway...

Theres a certain guy who's catching my eye, he's really popular in my town everyone knows him and he's recently come out at Bisexual. However he's never had a relationship with a guy before and infact attracts alot of girls... anyway he's recently been coming over to me when im out or if just passing and saying hi and starting convo with me, he talks to me none stop on Facebook chat aswell and I get butterflies everytime, I really really like him!

The bad thing is, ive never had a relationship with a guy either. Ive had 'relations' before but not a relationship and im not officially out as Bi to everyone (only my best friends know) although if i came out tomorrow I dont think people would be THAT shocked, but still its real scary!

I dont know what to do incase he isn't interested in me and then ive just made a fool of myself and people will find out about my sexuality even though I dont feel ready or strong enough in myself to 'come out' yet and handle it in the way I want to! I grew up in a house where the LGBT community was far from praised which is why im worried about it all, I dont know what to do! I figured I would end up coming out within the next few years whilst im at Uni anyway as it's when it commonly happens (?)

This is confusing me as im writing it so if it doesnt make sense just ignore it lol!

In other words, I just need advice on what to do! I know some people will think this is weird or pointless and be like 'Just come out' my friends say that but if you knew my family, you'd understand better!

[DaBoi]

Well , don't come out for him , if you do it come out for yourself , when you're ready

[Rock_Steady]

Agree, come out for yourself first, if you want to. I'm not sure it's a Uni thing though, you can do it anytime.

I'd carry on seeing this guy, but your family/neighbours will soon realise you're seeing someone.

So you can either be brave and come out, and feel a bit more comfortable knowing that people know, if they are accepting of it (but we will cross that bridge if we come to it).

Otherwise, people will soon realise you're seeing someone and chaos might kick off.

I don't know this guy that you like, but talk to him see how he dealt with telling people? You might get closer to him in the process.

[IAmWill]

Thank you both for the advice!

I'm not sure it's a Uni thing though, you can do it anytime.

I know that, but I know quite a few people who came out whilst they were at uni simply because theyre spending every day with people they have good friendships with.

I don't know this guy that you like, but talk to him see how he dealt with telling people? You might get closer to him in the process.

I like this idea, thanks I will give this a try!

[Rock_Steady]

Thank you both for the advice!

I'm not sure it's a Uni thing though, you can do it anytime.

I know that, but I know quite a few people who came out whilst they were at uni simply because theyre spending every day with people they have good friendships with.

I don't know this guy that you like, but talk to him see how he dealt with telling people? You might get closer to him in the process.

I like this idea, thanks I will give this a try!

Let me know how everything goes.

[IAmWill]

I shall, im seeing him tonight and im taking your advice with me