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  • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
    It's interesting that especially guys have the urge to have more than one sexual partner. For sure, there are women like that as well, but they are in the minority. I haven't been in a relationship yet, but I think that if you really love somebody, you don't even feel the need to mess around with someone else as you've already found your No. 1. However, I've noticed something and that is, when I'm on a dating site and lucky to start a conversation with someone, by the time the question 'What are you looking for?' pops up and I answer 'Looking for a monogamous long-term relationship.', the other person just stops answering . I mean, what do I have to do to change that habit ?
    I was just like you back in the day. There were no apps, but I only wanted someone I'd be sure of to spend the rest of my life with. When I met my-now-husband, he was like: "I've been in three long term relationships and I never want to live with anyone anymore. Too much pain when someone leaves." It was not what I wanted to hear, but I had fallen in love and just hoped he would change his mind. Within a few weeks I moved in with him and nine months later we were married. I wouldn't be where I am today if I had walked away in those early days.
    My Instagram... - Click here

    Comment


    • Originally posted by ThaInfo1 View Post
      **hits blunt**

      Lately I don't know if one guy could satisfy me sexual for the rest of my life.

      Like I have guy that I could see myself having kids with, ruling the world with and all that good flowers and bull****

      But...my mind and my loins just be all over the place..

      Thought it was a phase...but it's been a phase for 6 years. I'm 27 now.

      question to the gorls...you think staying sexually committed to one guy is realistic? In a sense of actually wanting to. Not just being "disciplined" mentally to.

      May I am truly destined for this ho life forever.
      Every relationship is unique so I think the question you pose isn't a simple one because it'll be yes for some folks and no for others. I think monogamy is something that a lot of people aspire to just because it's the only reality that many were exposed to, but that doesn't make it the only option, or the best one. I don't believe monogamy is a one-size-fits-all sort of thing at all, so maybe your best bet is to discuss the possibility of an open relationship with your partner and what the parameters would be for it. Trust, communication, and honesty would be key, but then again that's the case even in monogamous partnerships, and if he's already your co-ruler, that's already in place.

      Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
      It's interesting that especially guys have the urge to have more than one sexual partner. For sure, there are women like that as well, but they are in the minority. I haven't been in a relationship yet, but I think that if you really love somebody, you don't even feel the need to mess around with someone else as you've already found your No. 1. However, I've noticed something and that is, when I'm on a dating site and lucky to start a conversation with someone, by the time the question 'What are you looking for?' pops up and I answer 'Looking for a monogamous long-term relationship.', the other person just stops answering . I mean, what do I have to do to change that habit ?
      I don't even think that's the case; I just think it's more socially acceptable for men to be vocal about their desire for extramarital relationships than it is for women.

      Originally posted by InFamous View Post
      Because its weird to tell a stranger that youve never met on an online app that you are looking for a long term relationship. Long term relationships are something that have to be allowed to develop naturally once you have met and if you click.

      Change your answer to " meet people and open to what happens". You will find it wont put people off as much.
      I think this is good advice. I find a lot of people don't really like anything that remotely resembles a commitment so when you keep answers vague, it gives them that sense of latitude that puts their mind at ease.

      Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
      You've got a point, InFamous. The only thing that would put me off about it is that there are guys just looking for a quick hook up or a friendship plus kind of thing. I don't mind people looking for that, but I obviously have got a different aim, so I thought that it would be better to play with open cards right from the start.
      I think it's best to have an open mind with relationships. For instance, even if you're looking for a long-term relationship, would you be terribly disappointed if in pursuit of that you found, along the way, a quality friendship with someone who shares the same interests as you? It's like asking Santa Claus for Blackout for your birthday, but getting In the Zone instead. It's not exactly what you want, but it's pretty damn good anyway.

      Originally posted by InFamous View Post
      I understand that it is ultimately what you want but the idea of discussing relationship plans with someone you have never met is completely bizarre to me. I mean the apps are simply a vehicle to meet someone, then see what develops. I mean imagine if you were in a bar, you wouldn't just go around tapping people on the shoulder - Hey, I'm Diego and I would like to find a long term monagomous relationship. What's your name ?
      This made me scream.

      I'm weird because I actually wouldn't mind an approach like that.
      Akini's Top 100 Albums of the Decade: [2-1!]

      Comment


      • Thanks guys, I'll respond to the popular question 'What are you searching/looking for?' like that from now on. Hope that I won't get any dick pics or stuff like that ^^ .
        Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
        and everything you stand for?
        Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
        just to tell you that I see more?

        Comment


        • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
          Thanks guys, I'll respond to the popular question 'What are you searching/looking for?' like that from now on. Hope that I won't get any dick pics or stuff like that ^^ .
          I find that question really annoys me so instead of saying what I want to say which is generally " I have no ******* idea!" I just say My Keys lol

          Comment


        • Originally posted by Tansike View Post

          Anyways, ThaInfo1 my partner is the same like you, though he's already 38 years old. He already knows that living in a monogamous relationship for the rest of his life won't be a thing for him, but that doesn't mean he won't try it and that the relationship has to be open from the get-go. Him and I are talking about this topic every now and then and he didn't feel the desire to have something with others so far (we're together for over three years now), though we already had a moment with another guy (just kissing) last month. I couldn't have imagined that before meeting him, but he was open to me from the get-go and I thought well, let's see how this turns out and it worked for both of us so far, him without having the desire to sleep with others and me without worrying about something (because he's honest and open to me, unlike my ex where I was worried about some sh*t all the time).
          I feel this. I felt like we were working towards this, but my "situation" deep down doesn't want that and was trying to make it work.

          I had my moments of lying, but the last few I've been honest about stepping out and there's always some sort of tension behind it. This Pandemic got the best of us and I couldn't take that anymore (on top of a few other things). And the kicker is, this was his idea smh.



          InFamous You gonna scare all the girls away lmaoo. I agree with Tansike reply.


          JSparksFan Speak this good word sis! needed that.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by ThaInfo1 View Post
            I feel this. I felt like we were working towards this, but my "situation" deep down doesn't want that and was trying to make it work.

            I had my moments of lying, but the last few I've been honest about stepping out and there's always some sort of tension behind it. This Pandemic got the best of us and I couldn't take that anymore (on top of a few other things). And the kicker is, this was his idea smh.
            The most important thing in an open relationship or in a relationship that may approach an open one is being honest with the partner and being able to talk openly about those things. Because it's all about trust, and once you aren't honest about something and the partner finds out, it's very tough to ever get back to where it was. Sure, that's also the case in monogamous relationships, but it's even more important in open ones.

            Sorry to hear you're facing some problems and I really hope it works out somehow.
            I think this topic (open relationships) is probably one of the toughest you can have in a relationship, but I actually know a few people who have their relationship open and they're together with their partner for lots of years, so it always seems to be that if it works out, then it's probably one of the best things that may happen. The only problem is the "if" though...

            Comment


            • What are the benefits of an open relationship if it depends on so many 'if's in the first place? I just can't see that working for me : Not only have I been socialised in a setting where everyone 30+ is either in a long-term relationship or considered the odd one, I just can't imagine hooking up with someone, then going back to my partner and telling him/her 'You're the love of my life.'. Basically, I can't imagine hooking up with someone without feelings in some way being involved in the process. Not to forget that I can't see that type of relationship working when you've got kids.
              Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
              and everything you stand for?
              Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
              just to tell you that I see more?

              Comment


              • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
                What are the benefits of an open relationship if it depends on so many 'if's in the first place? I just can't see that working for me : Not only have I been socialised in a setting where everyone 30+ is either in a long-term relationship or considered the odd one, I just can't imagine hooking up with someone, then going back to my partner and telling him/her 'You're the love of my life.'. Basically, I can't imagine hooking up with someone without feelings in some way being involved in the process. Not to forget that I can't see that type of relationship working when you've got kids.
                Ok but I gotta ask, surely you have hooked up for just fun at some point in your life ?

                Comment


                • theMathematician
                  theMathematician commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I tried it once and concluded that I wasn't really feeling it.

                • InFamous
                  InFamous commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Only once ever ? What age are you do you mind me asking?

              • Originally posted by ThaInfo1 View Post

                I feel this. I felt like we were working towards this, but my "situation" deep down doesn't want that and was trying to make it work.

                I had my moments of lying, but the last few I've been honest about stepping out and there's always some sort of tension behind it. This Pandemic got the best of us and I couldn't take that anymore (on top of a few other things). And the kicker is, this was his idea smh.



                InFamous You gonna scare all the girls away lmaoo. I agree with Tansike reply.


                JSparksFan Speak this good word sis! needed that.
                Well Tansikes reply was what I originally said with my very first reply before that !
                I only say the keys sometimes when im really not in the mood for that question.
                As for scaring some away, chile I have more than I need at the minute.

                Comment


                • ThaInfo1
                  ThaInfo1 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Yaaaaasssssssss we love a roster.

              • InFamous : I'll send you a PM regarding my age.
                Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                and everything you stand for?
                Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                just to tell you that I see more?

                Comment


                • Hi, all New to this topic

                  I find generally the LGBT community, very friendly, i am a single male who is gay, i am a film producer, i spend all year
                  producing films, i do not have the time to settle down with someone, as work/friends is more important, i go out and socialise,
                  and have a great time and network out there,

                  2020 in comparison to when i first went out on the scene etc, is so different, seen a lot of changes, especially in
                  how we communicate and what people are looking for, thing's were more at an ease, and to talk was easier and more relaxed
                  years ago, positivley i find not using websites and going out actually better, sometimes the good old fashioned way is best
                  Last edited by ian001; Tue June 23, 2020, 22:49.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ThaInfo1 View Post
                    **hits blunt**

                    Lately I don't know if one guy could satisfy me sexual for the rest of my life.

                    Like I have guy that I could see myself having kids with, ruling the world with and all that good flowers and bull****

                    But...my mind and my loins just be all over the place..

                    Thought it was a phase...but it's been a phase for 6 years. I'm 27 now.

                    question to the gorls...you think staying sexually committed to one guy is realistic? In a sense of actually wanting to. Not just being "disciplined" mentally to.

                    May I am truly destined for this ho life forever.
                    Hoe is life!

                    I often wonder this.....I'd be open to an open relationship. In fact, I think that would work best for me in the future.

                    Comment




                    • Where's 'my partner in crime, the love of my life, my soul mate, my swole mate, my best friend' ?
                      Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                      and everything you stand for?
                      Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                      just to tell you that I see more?

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post

                        Where's 'my partner in crime, the love of my life, my soul mate, my swole mate, my best friend' ?
                        I have received many gifts from God,
                        but this is the first time I have ever received a gift from a goddess
                        .

                        Don McLean on Madonna's version of American Pie

                        Comment




                      • Pretty cool photo if you ask me... And no, it's of course not me ^^ !
                        Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                        and everything you stand for?
                        Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                        just to tell you that I see more?

                        Comment


                        • I have totally created a problem in my life.

                          A few months ago, I got a message from a man on Grindr - he introduced himself and explained that he'd seen me on his ex-boyfriend's Facebook friends list and then noticed me on Grindr also, and he thought he'd say hi. He introduced himself and mentioned he was a police officer - so I was totally loving that. He is also very handsome which obviously helps. Anyway, we started talking and after a while, he brought up his ex and just wouldn't stop talking about him and about how he's basically working through his ex-boyfriend's friends (sexually) to get back at him - which is totally mental but I went with it, it's Grindr right? Anyway, he asked if I wanted to meet and being the good girl I am, I said no. Conversation fizzed out and a few days pass...

                          ...he then follows and messages me on Instagram (I'd previously ignored the friend request that subsequently came on Facebook). I reply as he is kinda hot and I was hoping that he might've been just a bit drunk the previous time we spoke. But nope - he was still totally wanting sex to get back at his ex. And ever since, whenever I upload a photo to Instagram (which is probably every 2-3 weeks), he sends me another message - wanting sex, and wanting to get back at his ex. I'm not even friends with his ex anymore (we were acquaintances at University, at most) but he's obsessed with this notion of somehow getting back at his ex for breaking up with him and moving on - it's completely irrational. Now, aRat would probably just tell me to get on with it but I am refusing to.

                          I can't block him as he's a police officer and he might find my address but seriously, it's so weird that every time he speaks with me, it somehow ends up going back to his ex-boyfriend. I hate men.

                          Comment


                          • Are you seriously asking whether you should stay in contact with a stalker just because he happens to be a police officer? Tell him politely that it's for the better to part ways! If he doesn't respect that, block all the communication with him! If he still finds a way to get in contact with you, call the police! Even a police officer is not allowed to stalk you in his spare time. That dude obviously needs a therapy or something.
                            Last edited by theMathematician; Sun August 23, 2020, 19:21.
                            Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                            and everything you stand for?
                            Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                            just to tell you that I see more?

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Wayne View Post
                              I have totally created a problem in my life.

                              A few months ago, I got a message from a man on Grindr - he introduced himself and explained that he'd seen me on his ex-boyfriend's Facebook friends list and then noticed me on Grindr also, and he thought he'd say hi. He introduced himself and mentioned he was a police officer - so I was totally loving that. He is also very handsome which obviously helps. Anyway, we started talking and after a while, he brought up his ex and just wouldn't stop talking about him and about how he's basically working through his ex-boyfriend's friends (sexually) to get back at him - which is totally mental but I went with it, it's Grindr right? Anyway, he asked if I wanted to meet and being the good girl I am, I said no. Conversation fizzed out and a few days pass...

                              ...he then follows and messages me on Instagram (I'd previously ignored the friend request that subsequently came on Facebook). I reply as he is kinda hot and I was hoping that he might've been just a bit drunk the previous time we spoke. But nope - he was still totally wanting sex to get back at his ex. And ever since, whenever I upload a photo to Instagram (which is probably every 2-3 weeks), he sends me another message - wanting sex, and wanting to get back at his ex. I'm not even friends with his ex anymore (we were acquaintances at University, at most) but he's obsessed with this notion of somehow getting back at his ex for breaking up with him and moving on - it's completely irrational. Now, aRat would probably just tell me to get on with it but I am refusing to.

                              I can't block him as he's a police officer and he might find my address but seriously, it's so weird that every time he speaks with me, it somehow ends up going back to his ex-boyfriend. I hate men.
                              I would also tell you the same.

                              Enjoy him once then block him on all platforms.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
                                Are you seriously asking whether you should stay in contact with a stalker just because he happens to be a police officer? Tell him politely that it's for the better to part ways! If he doesn't respect that, block all the communication with him! If he still finds a way to get in contact with you, call the police! Even a police officer is not allowed to stalk you in his spare time. That dude obviously needs a therapy or something.
                                I don't think he's stalking me - let's be real here, he could quite easily find where I live if he wanted to. I just find it strange how he is utterly obsessed with sticking it to his ex, by sleeping with all of his ex's friends that are willing.

                                Comment


                                • Wayne You created a problem? Nah, he created it not you
                                  This aint your fault, this aint your problem. Just make it clear to him that he has to stop, since it's obvious he just want to get back at his ex and that's the only reason he keeps messaging you. If he can't even have a normal conversation with you without bringing up his ex.....

                                  Unless you do want to hook up ofcourse
                                  You drew stars around my scars

                                  Comment


                                  • Would you say that you're still in control of the situation? If yes, then do what you gotta do. I personally would block him, but then again, I'm not using hook up apps, so different background.
                                    Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                                    and everything you stand for?
                                    Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                                    just to tell you that I see more?

                                    Comment


                                    • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
                                      Would you say that you're still in control of the situation? If yes, then do what you gotta do. I personally would block him, but then again, I'm not using hook up apps, so different background.
                                      Oh, did you delete your profile since last week ?

                                      Comment


                                      • I maybe need to reword that. I don't use apps for hooking up but for dating purposes only. I think Grindr is a site primarily (exclusively?) used for hooking up, isn't it? Each to their own, but it's not what I personally use.
                                        Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                                        and everything you stand for?
                                        Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                                        just to tell you that I see more?

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
                                          I maybe need to reword that. I don't use apps for hooking up but for dating purposes only. I think Grindr is a site primarily (exclusively?) used for hooking up, isn't it? Each to their own, but it's not what I personally use.
                                          You told us before that most people you talk to have no interest once you tell them you don't want to hook up so obviously whatever you use us used for hook ups primarily also. An online app is an online app, it is the person who uses it who decides how they want to use it so please quit acting as if the app you use is somehow more refined or better than Grindr. 95 percent of people who are online are looking for hook ups.

                                          Good luck booking those dates of which you speak
                                          Last edited by InFamous; Mon August 24, 2020, 04:20.

                                          Comment


                                          • Fair point. Considering that I've been single for way too long, what method would you suggest me to use? For most people in relationships I know, they simply got to know their partner in their circle of acquaintances. Obviously that didn't work for me, which is why I registered on those apps in the first place.
                                            Is it offensive to fall in love with you and everything you do
                                            and everything you stand for?
                                            Could I break through your invisible wall, could I hide my pride for once,
                                            just to tell you that I see more?

                                            Comment

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