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  • Have you ever been sexually harassed?

    Let us know if you have and if you’d like, what were the circumstances.
    Id like to see if this goes beyond women.
    13
    Yes, I’m female
    0.00%
    0
    Yes, I’m male
    53.85%
    7
    No
    46.15%
    6
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  • #2
    Yes

    A couple of years ago in NYC I had a good time with some friends and was a bit tipsy walking back to my apt. It was like 3 am and I guess I did look a bit drunk and some man who was walking in my direction asked if I was ok and kinda held me as if trying to help me not fall...in doing so he grabbed my behind and right after he put his hand on my crotch. Even though drunk I noticed and pushed him off...he realized I was aware and hurried away.

    Another time in the subway a woman was getting off (I was standing by the door, and the train was crowded but not super crowded to rub against people)...as she got off she brushed her entire hand on my pants as if it were crowded and done accidentally, but she had like 3 feet of space and it was so obvious
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    • #3
      I have been harrassed / stalked as well.

      It happened in July on the last day of school. A mother of one of my kids came up to me right at the end and told me that she loved me. She came really close and I had to take a step back. She would try to communicate with me afterwards via WhatsApp and Facebook. The last time she sent me a message was in November. I felt abused. The woman is married with 3 children.

      And quite recently another mother with whom I worked together at school left the school bc she also fell in love with me. IDK if love is the correct word to describe it, but she had to leave the school and the course that we both did together bc her husband got wind of it and actually beat HER. He also threatened me. He wanted to run me over with his car if he ever saw me near his wife.

      That was just last week.

      I am a 34 years old male teacher who teaches classes 1-9. Two women declared their love for me. One actually stalked me online and sent me countless of inappropriate messages and confronted me in person. The other one left the school bc her husband threatened me. I have NEVER spoken to either women outside of school or school events. I have never been anything, but polite to those women.

      They have put me in a very awkward situation for which I felt ashamed and bad - as if it was my fault.

      I don't know if this qualifies as abuse or harrassment, but they both made me feel extremely uncomfortable at my work-place.

      My principal was kind of amused at the beginning, but when I showed her the text messages that woman 1 wrote to me, she was worried bc you never know what these kind of women would say or do if you resent their offers.

      When I told them about woman 2 my principal was very shocked as well. I have the feeling that if this happens a third time, I will get some sort of blame which again makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable.

      My biggest fear as a teacher is that a girl would claim that I touched her inappropriately. It can happen so easily because who wouldn't believe a child over an adult. So i'm always extremely distanced around children. I would have never ever thought that it would be the other way around and I would get pursued by the mothers of the kids that I teach. It may sound funny to those who have never experienced anything like this... but once again... i am their kids teacher and will continue as such and will have to deal with those women again in one way or another. I cannot hide from their affection. Thank God my principal and other (female) collegues will do any teacher-parent conferences which those 2 females will attend, with me.

      It really took some of the joy of being a teacher from me. And that is NOT fair.
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      • #4
        Never consider to be out and proud, [MENTION=4090]stevyy[/MENTION]?

        Last year we were on holiday and there was this man who showed us (me and my husband) around a lighthouse. We went up to the top and then he asked me if we were together and how he didn't mind. At first I thought he didn't mind us being gay, but later I understood he didn't care if we were together or not. Going down the narrow stairs, he was right behind me and kept touching me. When we were down I told my husband in Dutch I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I felt flattered and uncomfortable at the same time.
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        • #5
          Originally posted by RayRay View Post
          Never consider to be out and proud, [MENTION=4090]stevyy[/MENTION]?
          My collegues know. My private life is nothing I discuss with my students. I'm also extremely uncomfortable showing affection in public and in my private life. My family has never seen me kiss any of my boyfriends. I'm also not the type for holding hands.

          We had a teacher's party last year and I was bringing my +1... and an hour or so in, some collegues were asking me, where my BF was and he was standing right next to me.

          I am very private in that way.

          The kids at my school also do not know my first name. They often ask and I'll always tell another name. Privacy and anonymity is my biggest concern in life and I guard myself from everyone. It usually takes a very long time for me to warm up to new people. I can play a character of myself for a party or whatever... the real me is only for a very trusted circle to see.
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          • #6
            It's a shame though, [MENTION=4090]stevyy[/MENTION]. Kids need to have gay role models in their life IMO.
            At my school, children and parents have become so much more open to someone being gay. Just by knowing me and my husband. We haven't done anything special. But for them to know they know a gay couple they like, makes them change their view. That is so very important.
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            • #7
              Kinda yeah on a really crowded train after a festival.

              A hot guy pushed himself on me from behind but I liked it so I guess it does not count.
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              • #8
                Originally posted by aRat View Post
                Kinda yeah on a really crowded train after a festival.

                A hot guy pushed himself on me from behind but I liked it so I guess it does not count.
                Let's be real you prob encouraged him
                . Personally I love when things like that happen on the metro etc and I def wouldn't be calling it abuse lol

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by stevyy View Post
                  My biggest fear as a teacher is that a kid would claim that I touched her inappropriately. It can happen so easily because who wouldn't believe a child over an adult. So i'm always extremely distanced around children.
                  I share that sentiment Stevyy. And those kind of stories grow big so fast and you never really fully recover from it.
                  I know some teachers that just took their life because they were wrongfully accused. Terrible.
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                  • #10
                    I was going for drinks with my friend and his friends were also there but I didn't know them very well.
                    A few hours in the evening I felt a hand under the table on my knee and I thought it wasn't on purpose so I didn't give it much thought. a few minutes later I feel it again but this time it was reaching up towards the crown jewels. When it happened a third time I was like, oh wait...something is happening here, so I moved my legs away from him sitting with my back pointed to his face and I suppose my message came through cause he got up and went to sit at the bar.
                    This was a guy who supposedly screwing a different girl every week and I was like...oh now I see why all your dates with girls end up in nothing. It was very weird and awkward.
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                    • #11
                      If people class someone touching your knee as sexual harassment then I've been sexually harassed a million times.
                      I literally get my ass grabbed constantly if I go to a gay club or bar. I think people are taking it a bit too far calling shit like that harassment.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                        If people class someone touching your knee as sexual harassment then I've been sexually harassed a million times.
                        I literally get my ass grabbed constantly if I go to a gay club or bar. I think people are taking it a bit too far calling shit like that harassment.
                        People can decide for themselves what they consider sexual harassment. If you like being touched, good for you. But if certain people don't want another human doing that to their body than that's a decision everyone else has to respect.
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by BeeBoy View Post
                          People can decide for themselves what they consider sexual harassment. If you like being touched, good for you. But if certain people don't want another human doing that to their body than that's a decision everyone else has to respect.
                          Sure, if you aren't interested you can say no thanks and move on. But calling it "sexual harassment" is too much in my opinion.

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                          • #14
                            When does sexual harrassment start then, when it doesn't start with being groped at? People should stop touching strangers in inappropiate ways. It's never cool even if the other part doesn't mind, there will follow plenty of others who feel harassed. If you have a conversation or dance with each other and it goes a certain way the case is different. But if you just walk up to someone and grab their ass, you're trash imo since you deliberately accept the high risk that the other person will feel violated.
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                            • #15
                              When I was a teenager I got:
                              - a creepy guy caressing my shoulders on a bus. I moved away and after he left the bus he stared me in the eyes and gave me probably the creepiest look I've had in my life
                              - another creepy guy stalking and staring at me at the metro station, I tried to evade him once I noticed, I lost the train on purpose, and so did he, and when I got in changed carriages while inside, and he kept following and found me again when I thought I had lost him, until I ran off when the doors were closing and left as soon as I could.
                              - I had a classmate shoving his hand from behind and grabbing my balls. That was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever felt.

                              I can only imagine how women feel by getting things like this on a constant basis.
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                              • #16
                                Originally posted by BeeBoy View Post
                                When does sexual harrassment start then, when it doesn't start with being groped at? People should stop touching strangers in inappropiate ways. It's never cool even if the other part doesn't mind, there will follow plenty of others who feel harassed. If you have a conversation or dance with each other and it goes a certain way the case is different. But if you just walk up to someone and grab their ass, you're trash imo since you deliberately accept the high risk that the other person will feel violated.
                                Context and situation make a difference for me. Of course its weird if someone just randomly comes up to you in the street and grabs my ass, however if im in a gay club and a hot guy shows interest by grabbing my ass or dancing close to me and moving in im not gonna call that harassment or feel like im being violated. If im not interested, ill move away, if I am ill grab his ass back.

                                If im not interested and say no and he continues to try it, then it becomes harassment. If someone does not respect what you say and your decision.
                                Last edited by InFamous; Thu December 19th, 2019, 15:30.

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                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                                  Sure, if you aren't interested you can say no thanks and move on. But calling it "sexual harassment" is too much in my opinion.
                                  Thanks for deciding for me what my boundaries are. I really want to call you several things right now but I'll keep them for myself.
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                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                                    Thanks for deciding for me what my boundaries are. I really want to call you several things right now but I'll keep them for myself.
                                    I clearly stated it was my opinion. If you want to call sexual harassment if someone puts a hand on your knee feel free.

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                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                                      I clearly stated it was my opinion. If you want to call sexual harassment if someone puts a hand on your knee feel free.
                                      You don't get to have an opinion on MY situation, get the hell away!
                                      You did not read my whole post if that is what you took out of it, but even if it was "JUST MY KNEE", I thought it was very awkward and it was clear what the intention was.
                                      I can't believe I'm even explaining my self to you, you are the worst. God bless the day when I can block you without a premium account.
                                      "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
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                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                                        You don't get to have an opinion on MY situation, get the hell away!
                                        You did not read my whole post if that is what you took out of it, but even if it was "JUST MY KNEE", I thought it was very awkward and it was clear what the intention was.
                                        I can't believe I'm even explaining my self to you, you are the worst. God bless the day when I can block you without a premium account.
                                        In the meantime feel free to just scroll. I wish you well.

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                                        • #21
                                          @Heijira is absolutely right - if there's anything we should learn from the #MeToo movement, it's that people don't generally make accusations of what makes them uncomfortable for no reason.
                                          [MENTION=52166]InFamous[/MENTION] and anyone else, I would ask that you not question someone who is willing to share something they found traumatizing on this thread. Whether you agree with their assessment of the situation is not up to you.

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                                          • #22
                                            Anyhow, I'll share an incident I had. I once met a guy at a park. We got to talking and he invited me back to his place. I told him before we left what I was willing and not willing to do. Long story short, he attempted to rape me. I was on his bed, under him, and it was absolutely terrifying. Somehow, I fought him off and got the hell out of there.

                                            I thought of this when the Supreme Court was assessing the veracity of the sexual harassment story - all of these questions they asked her to prove it didn't happen just because she couldn't recall certain aspects. I couldn't tell you what his room looked like, or even whether I walked home or took transportation that day, but I remember how I felt in the midst of that attack.

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                                            • #23
                                              Originally posted by cheapthrills View Post
                                              @Heijira is absolutely right - if there's anything we should learn from the #MeToo movement, it's that people don't generally make accusations of what makes them uncomfortable for no reason.
                                              @InFamous and anyone else, I would ask that you not question someone who is willing to share something they found traumatizing on this thread. Whether you agree with their assessment of the situation is not up to you.
                                              I don't really want to argue with you over this but let me just clarify that I was saying that I personally would not consider it sexual harassment if someone touched my knee, but if he felt that it was in his situation then ok that is his perogative. I didn't quote him or anything, it was kind of a seperate follow on thought from what he had said but not really referring to his specific situation.

                                              However, apologies if it caused upset.

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                                              • #24
                                                Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                                                I don't really want to argue with you over this but let me just clarify that I was saying that I personally would not consider it sexual harassment if someone touched my knee, but if he felt that it was in his situation then ok that is his perogative. I didn't quote him or anything, it was kind of a seperate follow on thought from what he had said but not really referring to his specific situation.

                                                However, apologies if it caused upset.
                                                The quote below directly follows Hejira's - you reference a knee grab, and you question someone calling that harassment - this is not just you stating your opinion, but questioning other people's assessment. This is a thread to share your story, and I would ask you avoid the thread if you feel the need to question people's experiences.

                                                Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                                                If people class someone touching your knee as sexual harassment then I've been sexually harassed a million times.
                                                I literally get my ass grabbed constantly if I go to a gay club or bar. I think people are taking it a bit too far calling shit like that harassment.

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                                                • #25
                                                  Originally posted by cheapthrills View Post
                                                  The quote below directly follows Hejira's - you reference a knee grab, and you question someone calling that harassment - this is not just you stating your opinion, but questioning other people's assessment. This is a thread to share your story, and I would ask you avoid the thread if you feel the need to question people's experiences.
                                                  Thank you. That is exactly why I got angry.
                                                  Now let's move on before another thread derails.

                                                  I remember not having the 'guts' to tell my friend what one of his friends did. Not even because of me, but because if I'd speak out about it I'd prolly blow his cover. That guy was obviously bisexual atleast but none of them were aware of that. It wasn't even the act that made it awkward for me, it was the fact that I now knew "his secret", he clearly thought I'd bite and go with it and when I didn't he quickly left the table. It wasn't my place to out him so I never told anyone. It was just very weird.
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