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  • @Hejira: Adolescents can be cruel. I know how hard bullying is myself and so I'm happy that you left that part of your history behind. A man with slight feminine physical traits does not really fit our society's perception, but there's basically two things you can do in order to find inner peace: You either tell yourself 'I'm happy the way I am.' and surround yourself with people that love you just the way you are. Or you bulk up and consider a change in your wardrobe.
    I was in the same situation basically and the question that helped me was the following: 'What's the kind of guy you are into? And what's the kind of guy that very guy is likely to be into?'.
    Last edited by theMathematician; Wed October 16, 2019, 23:20.

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    • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
      @Hejira: Adolescents can be cruel. I know how hard bullying is myself and so I'm happy that you left that part of your history behind. A man with slight feminine physical traits does not really fit our society's generations, but there's basically two things you can do in order to find inner peace: You either tell yourself 'I'm happy the way I am.' and surround yourself with people that love you just the way you are. Or you bulk up and consider a change in your wardrobe.
      I was in the same situation basically and the question that helped me was the following: 'What's the kind of guy you are into? And what's the kind of guy that very guy is likely to be into?'
      That's a great post and I recognize a lot in there.
      To be honest, I don't think I enjoyed being perceived 'that way' nor did I empower it for myself. I honestly couldn't wait to become a bit more masculine, not because it was expected to be like that but simply because I didn't feel comfortable for myself. I saw all these guys around me growing up so fast without any effort (it seemed to me at then) physically that is, while it was happening a lot slower for me.
      If I could tell myself at that age what I know now, I'd say: Stop worrying about superficial stuff like that and let them think what they think, but that is just not how the story went.
      There's so much to say about this topic, the way men are 'supposed' to fit the mold. There's a lot of talk about women and how they shouldn't be confined and thankfully many walls have been broken for them, I think it's complicated to have a worldwide discussion about that for men, the ego is too big in general to even consider discussing the softer/feminine side in a males mind.

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      • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
        [MENTION=87497]Hejira[/MENTION]: Adolescents can be cruel. I know how hard bullying is myself and so I'm happy that you left that part of your history behind. A man with slight feminine physical traits does not really fit our society's generations, but there's basically two things you can do in order to find inner peace: You either tell yourself 'I'm happy the way I am.' and surround yourself with people that love you just the way you are. Or you bulk up and consider a change in your wardrobe.
        I was in the same situation basically and the question that helped me was the following: 'What's the kind of guy you are into? And what's the kind of guy that very guy is likely to be into?'
        There was a point in my life, when I wanted to be more masculine. I tried to think about how I walked, how I sat down, how I talked... But then one of my best friends said, I should just be myself.
        The weird thing is, when I came out, no one bothered anymore. Somehow it is accepted to be feminine when you're gay, but not when (you say) you are straight.
        I never ever thought about changing my wardrobe though, or try to fit in with friends. I rather had less friends, than to wear and do what others were into.
        But as even my father thought I was too feminine, it was the one thing I did want to change.
        My Instagram... - Click here

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        • [MENTION=31471]RayRay[/MENTION]: The topic is complicated. Of course there are stereotypes and ideals for all sorts of people, including gay men. I wouldn't consider myself ultra butch, but I don't match the flamboyant clichée either - I'm probably somewhere in the middle basically. You're speaking of the linking of femininity and homosexuality as a positive thing, while I sometimes feel like the society holds this against guys who want to live a 'normal' life and don't want to make a big fuss about their sexuality. As much as uniqueness is a desirable treat, everyone wants to feel 'accepted' in some way by other people: That's why people go to the gym, wear make-up or purchase trendy clothes. As a teenager, I had longer hair and personally liked it; my environment not so much. At one point, my mother basically persuated me into cutting it and well, my environment reacted in a really positive way. From today's point of view, I have to say that it does look better on me and I'm starting to dig my more masculine look with facial hair and my body getting more muscular. So maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle: Don't reject social standards completely, don't reject your personality completely!

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          • I relate to the all the things said above about masculinity, especially [MENTION=87497]Hejira[/MENTION] and [MENTION=31471]RayRay[/MENTION]. While my mannerisms are neither butch nor femme, traditionally masculine things like sports, hunting, whatever never resonated with me. I'm not especially flamboyant, but can turn it up when the need arises. Like this image, four years ago today at Madonna's Rebel Heart Tour
            Last edited by NormiMalone; Thu November 21, 2019, 17:21.
            The sands of time fade into dark
            Feel your pulse it's groove o'clock
            A message to madness
            Feel music that's realness

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            • You are so cute
              BEAUTY IS A MUST, TALENT IS A PLUS
              98 - OUT

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              • It's always a great thing when someone can work a full white outfit. And I love the shoes especially lol.

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                • Originally posted by NormiMalone View Post
                  I relate to the all the things said above about masculinity. While my mannerisms are neither butch nor femme, traditionally masculine things like sports, hunting, whatever never resonated with me. I'm not especially flamboyant, but can turn it up when the need arises.
                  I can be flamboyant when the need arises too. But usually I'm not, although I do love to wear colours, while other men around me don't. And although I'm a bit feminine, I've heard people say they like me "for not acting gay" (whatever that is). But when I came out, no one was surprised. On the other hand, my husband is very masculine and most people are surprised when they hear he's gay. We are a bit more friendly with our female colleagues than our straight male colleagues are. One time, a new colleague started to gossip about my husband and a female colleague... So I went up to her to say she needn't spread this rumour as he is my husband and not intrested in women that way.
                  I think if I had a flamboyant husband, there would be no stopping me.
                  My Instagram... - Click here

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                  • Originally posted by aRat View Post
                    You are so cute


                    Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                    It's always a great thing when someone can work a full white outfit. And I love the shoes especially lol.
                    I love wearing all white, it always gets such a good reaction. In fact, if it were more practical I'd wear all-white all the time, like some kind of anti-goth. My friend who went to Rebel Heart with me wore all black and had the nude hitchhiking picture from the Sex book on his shirt. I was Erotica, he was Sex. It was conceptually clever, but no one noticed...the shoes upstaged everything!

                    Originally posted by RayRay View Post
                    I think if I had a flamboyant husband, there would be no stopping me.
                    You and Mr. RayRay sound like a very adorable couple!
                    Last edited by NormiMalone; Sat October 19, 2019, 04:25.
                    The sands of time fade into dark
                    Feel your pulse it's groove o'clock
                    A message to madness
                    Feel music that's realness

                    Comment




                    • Photo taken in Sintra, Portugal last week.
                      Had so much fun this trip <3
                      Big.Big.Booty.

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                      • I like the vibe your photos have. It's always bright and light-hearted spreading the message not to take life too serious by times <3 .

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                        • That's so sweet! thanks
                          Big.Big.Booty.

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                          • [MENTION=3306]Benjamin[/MENTION] - great pic as usual

                            Yellow tho!

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                            • I am usually more of a cat person. However, this beagle lady is my one & only.
                              My last.fm

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                              • ^ Great picture. Then again, animals make people shine.
                                My Instagram... - Click here

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                                • Haven't posted a picture in years, so here's me - I got ooooollllllldddddd.

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                                  • ^ 'Old', but still handsome!
                                    UKMIX Favourite Artists of the Last 20 Years: [Ballot box open]
                                    "Your Billboard Top Ten" Game: All-Time Top Scorers Countdown: [400-381]

                                    Your heart is coloured with the love wrapped in the brilliant blue sky above, the breadth of the jewelled oceans, and the pure heat of the golden sun. And your heart is home to the cosmic creation that is you.

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                                    • ^ Exactly!


                                      Loose your photo is so cute!

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                                      • Originally posted by Wayne View Post


                                        Haven't posted a picture in years, so here's me - I got ooooollllllldddddd.
                                        Nice to see you, Wayne.
                                        She was kind of fragile and she had a lot to grapple with but basically she kept it all inside ...

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                                        • I knew Wayne was hot.

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                                          • Wait at him actually being cute.
                                            BEAUTY IS A MUST, TALENT IS A PLUS
                                            98 - OUT

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                                            • Originally posted by beredy
                                              When people see your post this is what they see:

                                              GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT GOAT.

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                                              • I always thought that [MENTION=11323]Wayne[/MENTION] was brunette. Good to know that he's one of us !

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                                                • Originally posted by theMathematician View Post
                                                  I always thought that @Wayne was brunette. Good to know that he's one of us !
                                                  ehem what???
                                                  BEAUTY IS A MUST, TALENT IS A PLUS
                                                  98 - OUT

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                                                  • Originally posted by aRat View Post
                                                    ehem what???
                                                    I really hope they didn't intend it that way......

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