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  • Stressed and waiting for a positive ruling.

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    • As long if there is music, I feel fine
      https://soundcloud.com/gloomer2000 http://www.youtube.com/user/Gloomer2000 https://gloomer2000.bandcamp.com/music

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      • I feel mostly okay, which is a refreshing change of pace from the last two months!
        Akini's Top 400 Songs of the 2010s: [385-381]

        The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe, for the axe was clever and convinced the trees that because his handle was made of wood, he was one of them.

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        • I'm currently dealing with heavy anxiety and all the nice things that come with it. I've "suffered" with depression for all my life but I've never let it take over. I'm a very positive person at heart and most of the time my positivity wins against the darkness. Right now it's difficult finding that positive spark, it feels like I'm in the dark and I see that little light but I just can't reach it...like in a nightmare where you try to grasp for something but it's impossible.
          It's not impossible and I know I'll find my way back but it's just very difficult this time. I know that it's inherent, I've had these feelings even as a little kid but with aging the frequency of these issues have increased a lot.
          I don't really even know why I'm posting this, just wanted to get it off my chest I guess. It gets so lonely feeling like this, especially because people always say "Oh you're so nice and friendly and spontaneous...everyone feels bad sometimes". You know, just because I don't walk around with a frown all the time.
          "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
          https://soundcloud.com/jaspervanbeveren-1/jasper-russia
          "..as he was with his composers?"

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          • ^ Thanks for being so open with how you're feeling! Unfortunately, I have been in a similar place lately. But I've been struggling with depression since I've been 12 years old, so more than half of my life and since one year I've finally realized that these dark phases are often similar to a battle in a game and if you get through it, you reach a new level and grow even more. Having this back in my mind makes it easier to go through it because I know that I'll go further with myself (if that makes sense?) afterwards.

            Plus I've started to be more open about these things which has been helping a lot as well.

            Currently my biggest struggle is sleep. I'm always so afraid of sleep because I know exactly I'll have a terrible night with everything that is going on in my mind and me questioning everything I did during the day.

            The last part of your post made me smile because that is also so me! People are always surprised how friendly and nice I am and I think 'What? I'm such a mess right now, got no sleep, having a bad mood and I'm soooo insecure about myself - don't they see that?'

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            • Originally posted by Tansike View Post
              But I've been struggling with depression since I've been 12 years old, so more than half of my life and since one year I've finally realized that these dark phases are often similar to a battle in a game and if you get through it, you reach a new level and grow even more.
              This is exactly how I experience it. I know things will eventually turn out for the better, as if it's almost something that "has to be done". This knowledge doesn't make it easier though...I get so sad and disappointed when I hit another low after just climbing out of the previous one...I mean it's exhausting. But indeed, after all is said and done, it does bring so much insight and clarity and I come out with more knowledge everytime. The dark and light goes hand in hand and they both grow stronger everytime but I find it more difficult to deal with the dark everytime and sometimes I'm scared there will come a day that I forget about this pattern during a dark patch.
              I'm "glad" to hear something similar from others, not that I want anyone to feel that way but I'm glad it's not a lonely situation.

              And regarding sleep, absolutely feel you on that too. It's rare that I wake up truly rested. I sometimes wake up feeling truly rested and those are the days I feel best. Usually my nights are haunted with very vivid dreams and many wake ups.
              Last edited by Hejira; Mon October 21st, 2019, 19:52.
              "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
              https://soundcloud.com/jaspervanbeveren-1/jasper-russia
              "..as he was with his composers?"

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              • Sorry to hear you two feel like this. I'm blessed to have a happy nature. But my husband suffers from PTSS. He's going through one of his darker moments right now. It's very hard as I feel so powerless and can't help him. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
                My Instagram... - Click here

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                • I've rejected medication for years and honestly I've managed to deal without any but since it's extra difficult to find my way out right now, my doctor gave some Oxazepam on my request just so I could experience what it would do and if it might have a positive impact.
                  Let me clarify first: It's rare that I take any medication for anything, I get through headaches etc without paracetamol and I certainly don't take recreational drugs.
                  So I took half an Ox pill on a plan-free day last weekend. At first I felt just a bit more relaxed but nothing a glass of wine couldn't do TBH, a few hours later I was sleepy as hell and I felt depressed for feeling sleepy and zombie-ish. I just wanted to sleep.
                  The next day (the effect is supposed to wear of after 10 hours) I was enormously slow and I felt like I was daydreaming and it wasn't after another night of sleep that I felt like "myself" again.
                  I'm very curious, are there people here who take this medication and how do you react to it?
                  I'm more frightened to use it again after trying it...it turned me into a useless zombie for so long. Smoking a joint even seems a better option.
                  "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
                  https://soundcloud.com/jaspervanbeveren-1/jasper-russia
                  "..as he was with his composers?"

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                  • I am feeling really great.

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                    • I am feeling so-so at the moment.

                      Having a few shit weeks at work, can't shake it - and that's then having an impact on other things.

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                      • Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                        I've rejected medication for years and honestly I've managed to deal without any but since it's extra difficult to find my way out right now, my doctor gave some Oxazepam on my request just so I could experience what it would do and if it might have a positive impact.
                        Let me clarify first: It's rare that I take any medication for anything, I get through headaches etc without paracetamol and I certainly don't take recreational drugs.
                        So I took half an Ox pill on a plan-free day last weekend. At first I felt just a bit more relaxed but nothing a glass of wine couldn't do TBH, a few hours later I was sleepy as hell and I felt depressed for feeling sleepy and zombie-ish. I just wanted to sleep.
                        The next day (the effect is supposed to wear of after 10 hours) I was enormously slow and I felt like I was daydreaming and it wasn't after another night of sleep that I felt like "myself" again.
                        I'm very curious, are there people here who take this medication and how do you react to it?
                        I'm more frightened to use it again after trying it...it turned me into a useless zombie for so long. Smoking a joint even seems a better option.
                        Mijn man heeft oxazepam gekregen tegen stress. Het helpt, hij wordt er rustiger van. Maar inderdaad ook moe. Hij probeert het dan ook alleen te nemen als hij erg veel last heeft van stress.
                        Hij raadt aan om hier met je huisarts over te praten. Dat is de enige die je echt advies kan geven.
                        My Instagram... - Click here

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                        • I'm allright thanks!

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                          • Originally posted by RayRay View Post
                            Mijn man heeft oxazepam gekregen tegen stress. Het helpt, hij wordt er rustiger van. Maar inderdaad ook moe. Hij probeert het dan ook alleen te nemen als hij erg veel last heeft van stress.
                            Hij raadt aan om hier met je huisarts over te praten. Dat is de enige die je echt advies kan geven.
                            Vind het wel fijn om ervaringsverhalen te horen hierover, kijk mijn huisarts slikt het zelf (neem ik aan) niet, maar ze zal wel een beeld hebben van het effect door de jaren heen. Ik schrok een beetje hoe moe ik ervan werd en ik heb hierdoor meer weerstand gekregen om het te slikken, maar inderdaad, in een noodsituatie denk ik dat het zeker effect heeft op torenhoge stress en angst.
                            "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
                            https://soundcloud.com/jaspervanbeveren-1/jasper-russia
                            "..as he was with his composers?"

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                              Vind het wel fijn om ervaringsverhalen te horen hierover, kijk mijn huisarts slikt het zelf (neem ik aan) niet, maar ze zal wel een beeld hebben van het effect door de jaren heen. Ik schrok een beetje hoe moe ik ervan werd en ik heb hierdoor meer weerstand gekregen om het te slikken, maar inderdaad, in een noodsituatie denk ik dat het zeker effect heeft op torenhoge stress en angst.
                              Be well.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Hejira View Post
                                I've rejected medication for years and honestly I've managed to deal without any but since it's extra difficult to find my way out right now, my doctor gave some Oxazepam on my request just so I could experience what it would do and if it might have a positive impact.
                                Let me clarify first: It's rare that I take any medication for anything, I get through headaches etc without paracetamol and I certainly don't take recreational drugs.
                                So I took half an Ox pill on a plan-free day last weekend. At first I felt just a bit more relaxed but nothing a glass of wine couldn't do TBH, a few hours later I was sleepy as hell and I felt depressed for feeling sleepy and zombie-ish. I just wanted to sleep.
                                The next day (the effect is supposed to wear of after 10 hours) I was enormously slow and I felt like I was daydreaming and it wasn't after another night of sleep that I felt like "myself" again.
                                I'm very curious, are there people here who take this medication and how do you react to it?
                                I'm more frightened to use it again after trying it...it turned me into a useless zombie for so long. Smoking a joint even seems a better option.
                                Sorry, my days have been super stressful lately, otherwise I would have replied way sooner.

                                How are you dealing with the medication these days, if I may ask?
                                I took some medication during Summer 2018. I don't remember the name unfortunately, but it was basically an antidepressants paired with sleeping medication. So therefor I had to take them in the evening. I really had a better sleep quickly, but it became a real struggle to get up in the morning and at some point it took me up to two hours between the alarm clock starting to wake me up and me really going up. I also gained a LOT of weight so at some point I decided to stop taking them. So while they helped in some aspects, they were also not helpful in others and ever since I'm searching for a better solution without finding that one good solution.

                                Funny how you mention smoking a joint. To be honest that has been the best thing of all the things I've tried out. But smoking joints is also not a good thing for people with depression or other mental illness, at least that's what some doctors say. As for me, it really helps me to calm down, get my head free of all the worries in my job & my depression, I fall asleep very quickly (and have an overall better 'ending' of the day) BUT it's also tough to get up in the morning that way plus you also can't do it daily (at least I can't; I did it for a while and it has started to affect my daily life, so I had to stop). Interestingly, ever since I stopped smoking joints, I started to feel way worse again

                                So yeah, I'm still searching for that one solution and currently I have no idea what I should try out next. It's kinda annoying as I hate going in circles for so long now.

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                                • I'm feeling good.

                                  I've had a few days off work, been able to recharge my batteries - looking forward to going back tomorrow though!

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                                  • pretty good, thanks! Have a day off today. Very little time to rest, I have a lot of work, and even a blockage of study. I don't know how to do it. Also this essay, which must be handed over in early January. Does anyone know where to ask for help? I here searched in Internet, found the review https://paidpaper.net/, but never had with similar deal. Can someone share experience?
                                    Last edited by reggiman; Sun December 15th, 2019, 01:19.

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                                    • Blurgh. Sick at home, threw up 7 times. What a great day

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                                      • Originally posted by Colbie View Post
                                        Blurgh. Sick at home, threw up 7 times. What a great day
                                        7 times. That's rough. Get well soon.

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                                        • Originally posted by Colbie View Post
                                          Blurgh. Sick at home, threw up 7 times. What a great day
                                          That's hideous. I don't think I've ever been that sick.

                                          I'm feeling very tired today, had a rough night's sleep.

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                                          • ^ Hopefully you slept better last night!

                                            Originally posted by InFamous View Post
                                            7 times. That's rough. Get well soon.
                                            Thanks dear, luckily feeling a little bit better already

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                                            • Holidays are finally here!! Had to work yesterday, came home at around 6pm and I have off until the new year, so Im super happy about that. And it seems like I really need those days off, as I fell asleep at 8pm while watching TV and just woke up (2am). So I just slept 6 hours without even trying. This never happens to me, and I had sleeping problems for months. So Im feeling super good, but also kinda jetlagged

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                                              • I am feeling okay today...better than the last couple says(and weeks). Depression has been kicking my behind the past couple months. The shorter fall days have not made it any better BUT I'm feeling hopeful. Hoping everyone is feeling okay today at least.

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                                                • Originally posted by dylonj View Post
                                                  I am feeling okay today...better than the last couple says(and weeks). Depression has been kicking my behind the past couple months. The shorter fall days have not made it any better BUT I'm feeling hopeful. Hoping everyone is feeling okay today at least.
                                                  Good to hear you're doing okay!
                                                  The short days haven't really gotten to me yet either, which is surprising. The days will start lengthening slowly again, the idea alone makes me feel happy.
                                                  Worst months are usually jan and feb for me though so I hope they'll pass by quickly.

                                                  Lost about 22 LBS so far too, which is great. I feel much healthier and have more energy. I don't know how I gained so much weight without even noticing over the past 2 years but I need my body back. still about another 20 LBS to go.
                                                  "Is Stalin on your shoulder..."
                                                  https://soundcloud.com/jaspervanbeveren-1/jasper-russia
                                                  "..as he was with his composers?"

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                                                  • ^^^Congrats! Keep going! You will be snatched in no time!

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