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Postby RayRay » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:28 pm

ArmyOfMe wrote:
biscuits wrote:These days, I never come out. I just talk about things and it falls into convo. Like ‘my ex...he....’ or ‘I went to a ghey club last night and met a guy’
Same, I like to keep it as casual as possible
It can get you into funny situations though. I never call myself gay as nobody would say he is straight.

I remember one time, when I was a subsitute teacher. I lived with my boyfriend (now husband).
A girl (11 year old) asked me if I had a girlfriend, so I said "no".
Then she said: "Oh, you live alone?"
Me: "No."
Girl: "You still live with your parents?"
Me: "No."
She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face, so I said: "I live with my boyfriend."

Another time, when we had moved to an apartment, I met our neighbour (an elderly man).
So I told him we were neighbours and I was glad to meet him.
And he was like: "You can't be my neighbour."
Me: "Why not?"
He: "Another man lives there."
Me: "I know."
He: "Is that your brother?"
Me: "No."
He: "But you say you live there."
Me: "I do."
:lol:
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Postby Wayne » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:29 pm

I think we need to rename the topic as it's turned into a bit of an LGBT General Discussion topic - any suggestions for a new name?
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Postby RayRay » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:29 pm

Wayne wrote:I made the decision when I "came out" to my mum, that was it - I'd never "come out" again. That was 10 years ago now and ever since, I've always unconsciously mentioned my sexuality ("I used to date him", "isn't he hot") - I don't even notice I'm doing it these days.

I do think people get that I'm gay though relatively easily & I don't have an issue with that.
Even when I first "came out", I didn't use the word gay/homo.
I just told my mother I had a boyfriend.
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Postby RayRay » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:30 pm

Wayne wrote:I think we need to rename the topic as it's turned into a bit of an LGBT General Discussion topic - any suggestions for a new name?
The LGBT Community
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Postby bluecherry » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:51 pm

I remember I told my closest friends when I was 14-15. My best friend got drunk (and as I was her only friend at the time) tried to make more friends by telling everyone about my sexuality. I asked her about it and she turned it around to how bad a friend I am to question her, and then her new friend attacked me in a Co-Op and made me run out crying. In retrospect, it shouldn’t be such a big deal but at the time I felt so betrayed.
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Postby Serby » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:01 pm

She's a bitch tbh. :lol:

I don't want to have to wait till I have a stable realitionship to come out cuz what if I never do? I get the 'not coming coming out' thing, but that's way too idealistic tbh. I feel like I'll come out soon to my parents (or mom at least) as it's been hainting me for quite sone time now and I'm grown enough to be able to do it, but it's like delaying a car crash that's inevitable to happen. (Wow I'm so poetic)
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Postby biscuits » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:02 pm

Just be sure when you do. You can’t take it back afterwards
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Postby RayRay » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:08 pm

Serby wrote:She's a bitch tbh. :lol:

I don't want to have to wait till I have a stable realitionship to come out cuz what if I never do? I get the 'not coming coming out' thing, but that's way too idealistic tbh. I feel like I'll come out soon to my parents (or mom at least) as it's been hainting me for quite sone time now and I'm grown enough to be able to do it, but it's like delaying a car crash that's inevitable to happen. (Wow I'm so poetic)
I waited till I was 25. I was so afraid of what my parents would think.
But although they were not "happy", they accepted it and it was nowhere as bad as I had imagined.
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Postby Serby » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:57 pm

biscuits wrote:Just be sure when you do. You can’t take it back afterwards
Get back what exactly? Gay4Lyfe here and of I do it now or later won't make huge difference imo, actually waiting could only make ot worse.

Things I'll have to explain:
• that I didn't choose it
•that no one 'forced' me into it
•that its not 'curable'
•(probably also) that I won't catch aids just like that

Just a few off top of my head. :lol:
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Postby biscuits » Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:15 am

I mean you can’t untell somebody
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Postby BehindBreakaway » Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:40 am

Just make sure you're ready. Don't do it because you feel like you have too do it when you're comfortable. I wasn't ready to come out, but my mum found out and threw me out. It was a rough time. She was OK over time, but I would have chosen to do it when I was ready too. Good luck whatever you decide to do x
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Postby Serby » Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:41 am

biscuits wrote:I mean you can’t untell somebody
I know, it was kind of a joke, but I want to tell them no matter what is the outcome, as this double life I'm leading is tiring af. I don't think I can properly move thru my life until I know where exactly I stand witt them when it comes to my sexuality.
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Postby Serby » Sat Jan 13, 2018 2:00 am

BehindBreakaway wrote:Just make sure you're ready. Don't do it because you feel like you have too do it when you're comfortable. I wasn't ready to come out, but my mum found out and threw me out. It was a rough time. She was OK over time, but I would have chosen to do it when I was ready too. Good luck whatever you decide to do x
Sorry to hear that.

I'm pretty much independent and in another country, 500km away, so that wouldnt impact me (well not phisically).
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Postby Fan » Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:46 am

biscuits wrote:I agree with both y’all. I’m proud of the diva I am, but if someone says ‘I knew you were ghey from the moment I met you’ it makes me self conscious
Same here, and it actually makes me ashamed, but it's true. A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend and she was like 'yeah, with you I can totally see you are gay' and I felt so, so offended at first. It felt like she insulted me. When I later thought about that, I was just confused because she obviously didn't say anything bad and there is nothing wrong with being or 'looking' gay. I think it is still the internalised homophobia which most of us have to deal with and which is the biggest shame.
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Postby RayRay » Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:39 am

Serby wrote:
biscuits wrote:Just be sure when you do. You can’t take it back afterwards
Get back what exactly? Gay4Lyfe here and of I do it now or later won't make huge difference imo, actually waiting could only make ot worse.

Things I'll have to explain:
• that I didn't choose it
•that no one 'forced' me into it
•that its not 'curable'
•(probably also) that I won't catch aids just like that

Just a few off top of my head. :lol:
I don't think you have to explain anything. Why should you?
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Postby RayRay » Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:40 am

biscuits wrote:I mean you can’t untell somebody
A friend of mine did.
He now lives with his girlfriend.
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Postby Benjamin » Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:48 am

I like this thread title better :)
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Postby MusicRecords » Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:59 am

RayRay wrote:
biscuits wrote:I mean you can’t untell somebody
A friend of mine did.
He now lives with his girlfriend.
Wait...what? :lol:
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Postby Serby » Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:12 am

He came back to closet officially.:lol:
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Postby RayRay » Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:34 am

MusicRecords wrote:
RayRay wrote:
biscuits wrote:I mean you can’t untell somebody
A friend of mine did.
He now lives with his girlfriend.
Wait...what? :lol:
I couldn't believe it myself.
Especially since I found it so hard to come out myself.
Pretending to be straight, I asked all these questions about why he was so sure he was gay. I sometimes wonder if he remembers those conversations we had.

But he had some very bad boyfriends and was very disappointed in it all. Then this girl came along and she knew he was gay. She didn't care.

I think he rather is with someone than on his own. When someone confronts him with his past, he says he is bi. But way back he told me in our conversations that he was sure he was gay and didn't believe people could be bi.
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Postby MusicRecords » Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:34 am

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trebor wrote:16. MusicRecords: #Mess #BV #Bish #YSL #STFU #Sis #LOL #$$$ #FrequentFlyerSpammer #I&I&I
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Postby ArmyOfMe » Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:32 am

Fan wrote:
biscuits wrote:I agree with both y’all. I’m proud of the diva I am, but if someone says ‘I knew you were ghey from the moment I met you’ it makes me self conscious
Same here, and it actually makes me ashamed, but it's true. A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend and she was like 'yeah, with you I can totally see you are gay' and I felt so, so offended at first. It felt like she insulted me. When I later thought about that, I was just confused because she obviously didn't say anything bad and there is nothing wrong with being or 'looking' gay. I think it is still the internalised homophobia which most of us have to deal with and which is the biggest shame.
I used to feel like that too, but I think that now I'm fine if I look or sound gay to some people. You know, it sweeps away any doubt without having to come out :lol:
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Postby Fan » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:21 am

Yeah, exactly! And I thought I had developed that mind set for myself as well, that's what my initial reaction shocked me so much. Like why do I need to feel insulted when someone says I may 'look' gay, whatever that is. It's strange. My poor friend obviously didn't mean anything bad either.
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Postby RayRay » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:22 am

BehindBreakaway wrote:Just make sure you're ready. Don't do it because you feel like you have too do it when you're comfortable. I wasn't ready to come out, but my mum found out and threw me out. It was a rough time. She was OK over time, but I would have chosen to do it when I was ready too. Good luck whatever you decide to do x
Awful how your mother treated you.
How do you get along after enduring the pain she caused?
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Postby Jesper » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:42 pm

I am still in a phase where I explore things for the first time, since I only came out a year ago, and I am almost 25 now lol, I still have to get used to the fact that when people you know find out or you tell them you are gay that you get that 'I always thought you were different, but couldn't put my finger on it' conversation, or atleast that is the conversation I had a lot of times. In that way idk if I feel uncomfortable or offended, I rather have people say 'I knew you were gay' thing, since yes I am, 'different' sounds like there is something wrong with me :o :lol:
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