Round 1-A, B, C results
In the A group, we lose (comments taken from Noisey's list):The White Stripes
Responsible for the worst stadium song ever recorded and a two-person band in which both members look like the sex offender of the week on an especially dark SVU episode.
Justin Timberlake is the perfect pop star in that he has no discernible personality, appeals to advertising sales guys by looking like one, and makes music that rips off other artists who made the unfortunate mistake of being less white than he is.
It makes sense that the pinnacle of this band’s career was getting a song on the Fight Club soundtrack, given that both are just pseudo-intellectual bullshit for people who want to pretend to have indie cred.
Aphex Twin confuses making boring music using hypothetically interesting methods without actually making interesting music. Plus, “Avril 14th” sounds like a shitty rip-off of Kanye West’s “Blame Game.”
In the B group we lose:N.W.A.
You know a rap group is legendary and full of talent when half the members in it don't even write their own raps.
Definitive proof that rock ‘n’ roll is the only place where you can be a professional 12-year-old for 40 years and have it be a totally normal, OK thing. It's great that they built a discography singing about how great their penises were, but let's not forget that Jack Black and a band of actual ten-year-olds in School of Rock did a better job with their music.
Rage Against the Machine
Thank you, Eminem, for convincing a generation of white people that rap was nothing more than screeching homophobic, misogynistic slurs at the top of your lungs. The real Slim Shady should stand up at the top of a cliff and then fall off.
Rage is a band for the dude who just took a poli-sci class at the University of Phoenix Online.
And in group C we lose:Dr. Dre
A one-hot-album-every-22-years-and-counting average is apparently all it takes to be a rap genius these days.
A Tribe Called Quest
Beyoncé™ sings like the member of the choir who no one likes trying to show off, but the only people Beyoncé™ is showing off to are her corporate sponsors. No matter how many GIFs you make of Beyoncé™, you will never manage to make one of her being sincere.
Every Tribe song sounds like the hardest quest involved was how to get from one end of a hopscotch game to the other. The only “it” they should have kicked was “the bucket.”
Foo Fighters are a band for people who want to listen to “rock music” but only have an FM radio and an IQ of less than 75. They are the musical equivalent of the politician who will say whatever people want to hear to get elected. Foo Fighters are the Mitt Romney of rock music.
89. Dr. Dre - Nuthin' but a G Thang (feat. Snoop Dogg)
90. Beyoncé - Partition
91. The White Stripes - Blue Orchid
92. N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton
93. Justin Timberlake - LoveStoned/I Think She Knows
94. A Tribe Called Quest - Bonita Applebum
95. AC/DC - Runaway Train
96. Pixies - La La Love You
97. Foo Fighters - Arlandria
98. Eminem - Berserk
99. Rage Against the Machine - Renegades of Funk
100. Aphex Twin - Windowlicker