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Postby NothingFails » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:08 pm

Hello UKMix. Many of you remember me from the decade plus I posted here. I have decided to return.

Most here didn't know (a few who knew me closely did) but for the past 18 months my father's health took a sharp turn for the worse and I stepped up and became his caretaker because I didn't want to see him go to the home. One of the main reasons I quit the forum when I did was because with work and my relationship (and we're still together, almost eight years in May) as well as me taking care of my father, I didn't have time to argue over whether (x) slayed more than (y) and the sort.

My father passed away on the 10th after two hellish weeks in the hospital where his body simply couldn't take the pain anymore and no longer had fight in him. His kidneys shut down, as did his heart, he had pneumonia and his COPD was actually the least of his problems. It was the worst two weeks of my life, even harder on me than when my mother died. Luckily music has been one of the few things keeping me strong through all of this. 2017 was actually my biggest concert year to date, as I saw U2/Beck, Lady Gaga, Guns N Roses and quite a few others, music was something I could take comfort in when the rest of my world was falling apart, and now that this is behind me, I felt like this is as good a time as any to come back to the world of UKMix.
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Postby Goldmoney » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:10 pm

So glad you’re back! 8-) And I’m soooo sorry for your tragic loss! :cry: May he RIP!
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Postby flopho » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:13 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss! :(
Good to have you back :D
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Postby Wayne » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:16 pm

John!!!!!

So good to see you here again.

Really sorry to hear of the loss of your dad, I remember it causing you great sadness when you were last posting here - sending you a huge virtual hug. Pleased to hear you and Justin (think I remember the right name!) have survived - 8 years is a huge amount of time. Hope 2018 brings you happiness.
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Postby trebor » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:22 pm

So very sorry to hear about your loss! My sincere condolences.
//
On a brighter note: Glad you're back, John! You have been missed so dearly!
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Postby biscuits » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:22 pm

Very sorry about your loss. Glad to have you back.
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Postby navi » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:27 pm

happy return :D
missed you

ps.
share your grieve
(lost my father too - although long time ago)
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Postby Benny » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:38 pm

So great to have you back John, you have been missed! :D

I'm very sorry for your loss! :(
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Postby BlueScorpion » Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:07 pm

I'm so happy you're back! :D

May these times be more comforting to you, sweet! Welcome back, John :)
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Postby Carbon » Sun Jan 21, 2018 11:06 pm

so sorry for your loss! and of course, happy to see you back
необичните си имаат секој свој пат и тешко се среќаваат

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Postby Erotica » Sun Jan 21, 2018 11:07 pm

Welcome back :) but I am sorry for your loss :(
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Postby Nippian93 » Sun Jan 21, 2018 11:18 pm

A legend has returned, welcome back. I am sorry about your father. May He Rest in Peace [*] :(
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Postby JSparksFan » Mon Jan 22, 2018 3:21 am

My condolences on your loss, John. :( Good to have you back on the board, though.
And the category is: LIVE. WORK. POSE!
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Postby Colbie » Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:29 am

Sad to hear about your loss!

Glad to have you back!
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Postby android » Mon Jan 22, 2018 11:58 am

My condilences John. Glad to see you back. :)
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Postby sonia85 » Tue Jan 23, 2018 9:12 am

Glad to see You back! My condolences :cry:
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Postby DOSSOME » Tue Jan 23, 2018 1:05 pm

Sincerest condolences John

Glad to have you back
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Postby Thriller » Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:40 pm

JSparksFan wrote:My condolences on your loss, John. :( Good to have you back on the board, though.
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Postby SummerPeur » Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:44 pm

Sending lots of love and hugs your way xx.

Glad to have you back.
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Postby NothingFails » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:36 am

Thanks for the kind words everybody. It's been a period of adjustment for sure of late, it's really hard to believe he's really not coming back since he's someone who was this close to death so many times and came back. I really do hate being alone, and it happens a lot since my partner works later than I do most of the time so I can go 6-8 hours in the house by myself. Today he literally went into work around the same time I was clocking out.

I'm handling things well but there's just a myriad of emotions that run through me. It took him to get on his deathbed for me to realize what my sister and partner said they knew all along, but that he was more than my father but also my best friend. After mom passed away in 2004, we leaned on each other and it brought us very close compared to when I was younger and immediately bonded with mom but not so much him. It changed and we spent a lot of time together and it really took me until his last days for me to really come to accept the fact that he was much more than just my dad. Having him spend those last days in ICU realizing the likelihood of him getting out were 100 to 1 really broke me and I'm still having trouble accepting the fact that he's really gone.
Last edited by NothingFails on Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby CrazyCrazy » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:39 am

NothingFails wrote:Thanks for the kind words everybody. It's been a period of adjustment for sure of late, it's really hard to believe he's really not coming back since he's someone who was this close to death so many times and came back. I really do hate being alone, and it happens a lot since my partner works later than I do most of the time so I can go 6-8 hours in the house by myself.

I'm handling things well but there's just a myriad of emotions that run through me. It took him to get on his deathbed for me to realize what my sister and partner said they knew all along, but that he was more than my father but also my best friend. After mom passed away in 2004, we leaned on each other and it brought us very close compared to when I was younger and immediately bonded with mom but not so much him. It changed and we spent a lot of time together and it really took me until his last days for me to really come to accept the fact that he was much more than just my dad.
Oh god John I can really feel your pain, my dad was my best friend too, I really miss him still, hang in there buddy, so sorry that you lost him. :(
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Postby NothingFails » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:47 am

CrazyCrazy wrote:
NothingFails wrote:Thanks for the kind words everybody. It's been a period of adjustment for sure of late, it's really hard to believe he's really not coming back since he's someone who was this close to death so many times and came back. I really do hate being alone, and it happens a lot since my partner works later than I do most of the time so I can go 6-8 hours in the house by myself.

I'm handling things well but there's just a myriad of emotions that run through me. It took him to get on his deathbed for me to realize what my sister and partner said they knew all along, but that he was more than my father but also my best friend. After mom passed away in 2004, we leaned on each other and it brought us very close compared to when I was younger and immediately bonded with mom but not so much him. It changed and we spent a lot of time together and it really took me until his last days for me to really come to accept the fact that he was much more than just my dad.
Oh god John I can really feel your pain, my dad was my best friend too, I really miss him still, hang in there buddy, so sorry that you lost him. :(
Thank you Billy. I just hit that 2 week mark just about 10-20 minutes ago and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks when I'd actually been doing well since the day after he passed.
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Postby NothingFails » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:54 am

Justin snapped this photo on New Years Day (without my knowledge) when we visited him as he was looking better and things looked like he was going to be discharged soon, and it turns out this was the very last time I got to spend time with Dad while he was being Dad. He was trying to fidget with the hospital remotes and he was being himself, and it was a great visit and we stayed with him for about an hour. The next day is when things took a turn for the worse and he was moved into ICU and then he just got progressively worse. But I am so grateful to Justin for snapping a pic without me knowing of the moment because I'll forever cherish knowing it was the last time I really got to spend time with Dad where he was being "Dad" and not strapped to a bunch of machines and without the ability to talk.

Image
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Postby Goldmoney » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:57 am

You gon make me cry. :cry:
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Postby ferrero » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:23 pm

Thank u for this heartfelt sharing John. Indeed we should treasure our loved ones while they are still around and not regret in future. You can be sure everyone in this forum is with u. Take care!
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