Friendship / best friends

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Postby KokoCollino » Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:45 am

Are you happy and satisfied with your circle of friends?

How did friendship change for you over the years?

Are there any challenges you want to share with us?

Regarding friendship, I made a lot of very important and teaching experiences throughout my 20s. I feel like I became more honest to myself, but I'm still learning about real and fake (or wrong) friendship every day.

I am currently struggling a bit as I realize that some "best friends" of my childhood are no longer "best" friends for me. They are still very precious to me, but they live in a different town and also our lifestyles differ a bit now.

What I miss on the other hand is like a real "best friend" here in my town. I am very grateful for my friends here, and I guess sometimes it takes some time to have the feeling of being very close with someone. I have a partner, but we live far away from each other, that's why I guess I feel the need of a "best buddy" here.
Last edited by KokoCollino on Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby cristy » Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:28 pm

Friendships are super important to me. Growing up, my biggest fear was always that I'd end up alone (a certain part of me still fears that) and since I was quite shy as a kid that made it more difficult to make friends. I'm still a bit shy around new people but once I get to know someone, I open up completely and become this super social butterfly. :lol:

I know what you mean about childhood best friends not being your best friends now and that's okay. People change and they just grow apart. I've grown apart from close friends even while we still lived in the same city, when one moves away it's even more difficult. You just have to accept that it happens, it's not anyone's fault and if want to reconnect, work on making that happen. I grew apart from my best friend from high-school (I was working a lot, she was travelling a lot) but now that she's gonna settle down and I've got a normal work schedule I actually plan on making it my New Years resolution to spend more time with her cause we have that kind of history and love that doesn't go away easily (she's the Grace to my Will). :wink:

Currently I'm quite happy with my circle of friends. When I was in a relationship about a year and a half ago, I kind of neglected my friends a bit. It was my first boyfriend (growing up gay in a tiny city in Eastern Europe was not an easy thing, okay? :lol:) so I was spending more and more time with him but when that ended I really re-connected with my friends and now my friends are the most important thing for me - so much that I don't even feel the need of a relationship, to be honest.

What helped me a lot is having certain routines with my friends. So for example, I have a friend from college who I would meet up with quite rarely because of our work schedules so we just made it a tradition to meet up for a "weekend thing" every weekend. It basically involves us getting some food (usually KFC...actually it's always KFC), then getting some coffee and then roaming the bookstores in town.

I got very close to the people I worked with in my former workplace and we would meet up every Thursday for drinks (it started out of a need for us to vent and bitch about our bosses) but now it's dubbed 'Thirsty Thursdays' and we still meet up even though we all work in different places now. If one of us can't make it, we reschedule for a different day - we have a Whatsapp group to coordinate things).

And luckily I work with my best friend so I get to see her way too much for it to be healthy. :lol: My "is this person my best friend" test is basically asking myself "If this person called me in the middle of the night because they're on the toilet and ran out of toilet paper - would I do it?" If the answer is yes, then you're a close friend... or Beyonce.
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Postby Guru » Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:45 pm

The only (best) friend for me is the one I will marry. Being best of friends is the foundation for a marriage with longevity.
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Postby spiritboy » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:17 am

Apart from my best friend, i don't care about friendship tbh. I don't have many longtime friends cause i get bored and move on to new people.
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Postby YouMakeMeFeel » Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:56 pm

I have just a handful of close friends. I don't want tons of friends. I love having friends though! I never had friends growing up. Until I started working is when I made friends lol.
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Postby BehindBreakaway » Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:29 pm

I have 3 sort of 'best' friends. I'm not friends with anyone from being a kid. My closest friend I met when I was 16/17 and we were both queuing all night for Britney onyx hotel tour tickets. Then we just clicked and basically spent almost every day together. Then I moved to England for uni and met another close friend who I'm still very close to. Then my final best friend is the mother of my godson.

I don't really want or need anymore friends tbh I'm 30 now so I'm pretty set haha
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Postby KokoCollino » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:16 pm

Wow, I just searched for a "friendship" thread on UKMix and realized I created this thread exactly one year and one day ago :lol:

Not much changed since then. I still miss a 'best friend'. And I'm single again.

What I realized though is that it is so much harder to find a best friend when you moved to another city. Especially when you moved after school or university. When you study, I believe it's still very much likely to easily create an intense 'best friendship' because there's so much time to spend together and going through school/university together has a lot of bonding potential.

I do think though that the chances of developing a 'best friendship' after university, in a completely new city and a new job, are lower. People are older, too, and busy with their careers, relationships, weddings, babies ...
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Postby TIfan » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:32 pm

I have some friendships, but I currently do not have a best friend.

I thought I had one until I realized that he was using me. I am currently happy though.
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Postby stevyy » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:53 pm

luckily I am so charming and handsome, that everyone wants to be friends with me. But I can be picky. I stick with people. My best friend remains my twin brother.
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Postby theMathematician » Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:37 pm

For that purpose, I regret never having had any siblings because I have heard of the magic bond between twins multiple times before. If you are 'charming and handsome', that definitely makes it easier to socialize. 2 weeks ago, I had a little crisis because I also realized that I lacked any 'real friends' but would love to have one. Back in primary school, I had a couple of real friends and we spent all day together. As time passed by, it became harder and harder for me because people seem more committed to other aspects than friendships and the people from your workplace seem to live scattered to the four winds. I have a few loose contacts (people you have random chats with) but only one friend, and also made a couple of bad experiences with alleged friendships that ended due to a lack of interest from the other side in high school and college. Therefore, I am a bit insecure and scared of the idea of a failed friendship into which you invested a lot of energy. I really hope to find that 'real friend' that sincerely cares for me and would pick me up if I got stuck in the middle of nowhere deep in the night. As of now, that would only be my parents...
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Postby KokoCollino » Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:09 pm

^ Thanks for sharing :)

I would have loved to have siblings, too. Especially when you have issues in your family - there's nobody but a sibling who will totally know how it feels.

I guess this is also the reason why I'm specifically wishing for a 'best friend' or a friend that is like a sibling.
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Postby bluecherry » Wed Dec 05, 2018 2:18 am

I have two best friends that are more like sisters and a group of close friends. For my best friends I’ve known them since I was 6 and 11 (I’m 19 now). They’ve helped make me into who I am today. I’m close with E (since I was 6)’s family like they’re my uncle and aunt. I’m very lucky.
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Postby Rihab » Wed Dec 05, 2018 2:54 am

I’m a loyal bish. With the exception of one, all of my best friends are still the same ones that I met on my first day of elementary school and on my first day of high school. :lol:

I even moved in with two of them right after we finished school 4 years ago and we still live together. Two others recently moved (far) away for university or to be with their boyfriend, which was / is hard. But we still chat every day, try to see each other as often as possible and celebrate all the big days (birthdays, NYE) together. Of course I’ve also made new friends along the way, but I find it very hard to reach that same level of friendship as with people that you have 12 or 16 years of shared experiences with.
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Postby MusicRecords » Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:18 am

Rihab wrote:I’m a loyal bish
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Postby Crackiswack » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:28 am

Friends come and go, but if you made a good friend, the memories of them sticks.

I have close ish friends but since I have moved a lot, I can't call them best friends.
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Postby ludichris » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:08 am

Who needs friends when you have money, music, food and your health? To quote Miss Rexha:

Friends come and go, friends come and go
Go like the seasons
Forget fake friends, we don't need 'em
Only thing they're good for is leaving
I've had my fair share of fake friends so at this point my circle is very small but my priorities are big. My physical and financial health are what matters to me the most.
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Postby Erotica » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:19 am

I always had problems to make friends, especially in school. Still not easy at all and I think I don't have many friends.
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Postby thankfulforkelly » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:09 am

I’m happy and satisfied with my friendships today. I’ve got multiple circles and lots of acquaintances as well as close friends. I wouldn’t say I have a best friend but I’ve made friends at uni who know me inside out and some who I could spend days with and not get sick of them.

At school I definitely lacked friends & close friends. I was friendly with most people in my year but I lacked close friends for sure. I had a group by the end but I didn’t fully click with them / felt left out at times. I only message a few people from home regularly. I remember at the time I was like “why do I lack friends?”, “what’s wrong with me?” But I’m over it now lmao
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Postby biscuits » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:19 am

KokoCollino wrote:Wow, I just searched for a "friendship" thread on UKMix and realized I created this thread exactly one year and one day ago :lol:

Not much changed since then. I still miss a 'best friend'. And I'm single again.

What I realized though is that it is so much harder to find a best friend when you moved to another city. Especially when you moved after school or university. When you study, I believe it's still very much likely to easily create an intense 'best friendship' because there's so much time to spend together and going through school/university together has a lot of bonding potential.

I do think though that the chances of developing a 'best friendship' after university, in a completely new city and a new job, are lower. People are older, too, and busy with their careers, relationships, weddings, babies ...
As gheys, I think we are lucky to have apps like Grindr and ghey clubs to meet people and find friends.
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Postby aRat » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:31 am

Yeah siblings are def great, even though you spent most of time fighting when u are young you eventually overcome that and become friends for life.

I have some friends I meet here and there but only have 1 best friend and we basically were meant to become best friends coz we understand each other so well. We can talk and joke about literally anything.
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Postby Tansike » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:14 pm

biscuits wrote:As gheys, I think we are lucky to have apps like Grindr and ghey clubs to meet people and find friends.
Hmm I don't think most gheys are looking for friends on Grindr or in ghey clubs though. At least that's not what I experienced.
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Postby Benny » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:06 pm

Tansike wrote:
biscuits wrote:As gheys, I think we are lucky to have apps like Grindr and ghey clubs to meet people and find friends.
Hmm I don't think most gheys are looking for friends on Grindr or in ghey clubs though. At least that's not what I experienced.
I agree with Tansike. Grindr or the ghey club scene are hardly known for finding true friends.
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Postby Erotica » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:14 pm

I agree that it gets even harder to find friends when you get older. They are all busy with their families, jobs and perfect lives. Even at college/university it is harder. Mostly because most people except me made friends at school and they still stick to that circle of friends, but it's hard to make a new circle and after college they are gone.
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Postby ThaInfo1 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:39 pm

I feel like you make friends as an adult accidentally.

I have 3 best friends. and a handful of good close friends. Two I met in high school and the other in college (we may have started out dating :oops: ). They're the greatest.

One of my best friends I met in high school was there for me when I was figuring out the whole geh thing (which he was slightly more advance with dealing with than me at the time. I was able to run to him for everything, and for that I will love him forever :cry: .).
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Postby Loose » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:04 pm

biscuits wrote:
KokoCollino wrote:Wow, I just searched for a "friendship" thread on UKMix and realized I created this thread exactly one year and one day ago :lol:

Not much changed since then. I still miss a 'best friend'. And I'm single again.

What I realized though is that it is so much harder to find a best friend when you moved to another city. Especially when you moved after school or university. When you study, I believe it's still very much likely to easily create an intense 'best friendship' because there's so much time to spend together and going through school/university together has a lot of bonding potential.

I do think though that the chances of developing a 'best friendship' after university, in a completely new city and a new job, are lower. People are older, too, and busy with their careers, relationships, weddings, babies ...
As gheys, I think we are lucky to have apps like Grindr and ghey clubs to meet people and find friends.
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